Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
