i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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