you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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