your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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