I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
