Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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