were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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