the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
