butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
