Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
