look no pants
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
