No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
