he wants to bone in the snuggie
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
