it was like his penis was on wheels.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
