Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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