Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
