This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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