Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
