I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
