Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
