this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i drank out of a bidet.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
