My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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