She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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