anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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