Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize