His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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