I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
