So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
