i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
