So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize