my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
