I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
