Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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