Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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