i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
