You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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