I have demons in me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
