I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
