I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
