Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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