Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
