someone threw a dead crab at me
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Vodka?
Forever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
