Porn is love you can see.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
