Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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