Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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