What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
