I CAN MOONWALK!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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