I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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