woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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