I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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