my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
