Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
