Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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