I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
