No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
