I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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