got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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