I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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