Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
