Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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