Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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