I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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