then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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