glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
