k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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