I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
