Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
