What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
