Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
