I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
