Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
