I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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