Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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