I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
