I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
