I accidentally had phone sex last night
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
