Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
