i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
