Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
