Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
