He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
