It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
