i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize