Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
