i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
