he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
