your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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