If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
