For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
