So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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