So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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