I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As shirtless as possible
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Randomize
