And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
