it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
