ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
