I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
