He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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