Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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