your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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