i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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