I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize