she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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