She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
