Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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