Got a toothbrush?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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