I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize